I Think That Maybe I Could Possibly Have Commitment Issues

 

 



 

I have a confession to make. I hardly ever finish anything that I start. I'll have a brilliant idea, get all excited about it, then a few days later my brilliant idea can be found crumpled up and lifeless in the bottom of File 13.

 

And when it comes to relationships, romantic or platonic, as soon as any real work is required to sustain it...I'm done. I can't...well don't exert a lot of energy trying to keep friendships and relationships alive. How else could you explain a smart, articulate, gainfully employed, stunningly beautiful and extremely modest woman such as myself going 43 years without ever once jumping the broom? I have three very nice engagement rings though...but I digress.

 

Last week one of my good friends invited me to go to a dance...a much needed night on the town. Initially I said yes but then emailed him the next day and basically told him that I'd rather be in bed sleeping than to stay out past 9pm. I couldn't even commit to one night out. The fact that he wasn't offended speaks volumes about our friendship.

 

And regarding diet and exercise? When the weight is coming off and I am "in the zone" I'm good. I'm all in. But let me hit a plateau or let things become hard and I throw in the towel...every time.

 

Do you see a pattern here?

 

Although I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, I have mentally checked out of this whole weight loss thing because it's becoming increasingly harder. Why couldn't I have started this blog when I was 240 pounds? I could have WOWed everyone with my incredible shrinking waistline. I would have had amazing milestones and impressive before/after photos to post back when I had more weight to lose...back when losing weight was easier.

 

At some point however, I have to stop giving up when things get tough. I have to be a ride or die type chick! Reaching my weight loss goal is something I want more than anything in the world. And no, it's not going to be easy. I'm going to have to fight for it. I don't have the foggiest idea how I'm gonna do it, but I'M GONNA DO IT.  For once in my life, I have to see something through to its fruition.  I have to stay committed.

 

 



 

 

Today, I am taking a vow to stay committed to this process. I vow to take care of my body through diet and exercise...in times of failure and in times of triumph, from this day forward, as long as God allows me to live!

 

My prayer for anyone struggling to stay committed to their diet and/or weight loss is that you also take a vow to be loyal to yourself. Cherish and respect your body through health and fitness. It's hard, but you're worth it. We're worth it.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Always,

 

Blaque

 

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

Wednesday Weigh In 022614

BREAKING NEWS:  A WICKED PLAGUE OF SCALE DEMONS HAS JUST DESCENDED FROM THE SKY AND ARE WRECKING HAVOC ON WEIGHT-LOSS EFFORTS EVERYWHERE. WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY INSIDE. TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS. HIDE YOUR KIDS! HIDE YOUR WIVES! HIDE YOUR HUSBANDS!

 

 

I'm up 10 pounds since I last officially weighed in on 2/5 and oh how I wish I could blame it on wicked scale demons. The truth is that I have been going way over the 1200 calories I'm supposed to be consuming a day. Yesterday I was at 1505, the day before it was 1380...and that is me trying to stay close to 1200. When I wasn't tracking my calories, God only knows how many I was consuming.

 

This month I have been emotionally out of the game. I've lost weight before and I know I will lose it again. So I am going to keep pushing, not obsess over the weight gain, and do whatever I can do to get re-focused.

 

My goal for next Wednesday: 2 pounds. I just want to be out of the 150s. This is my danger zone. I need to get myself out of it before things get really scary. 

 

Pray for me. I'll need it.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Always,

 

Blaque

 

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: My Story

Is this the face of someone with an eating disorder?

 

Looking back at this photo, I doubt that anyone would think I was fat. But when I was in high school, that’s exactly what I was…fat. At least in my mind anyway. I wasn’t thin as a rail like a lot of the other girls my age. I had a body like a grown woman and I absolutely hated it. I wanted to look like everyone else.

 

Eventually, I developed such an abnormal relationship with my body and with food that I wouldn’t eat in the cafeteria at lunch time.  Most of the time, I’d go all day without eating anything. I felt as though if people saw me eating, it would somehow confirm that I was a pig and that I ate too much.

 

It didn’t stop there. I was so ashamed of my body that I wouldn’t “dress out” in gym class. I actually failed gym twice in high school...TWICE.  All because I didn’t want to change clothes in front of the other girls and reveal to anyone my chubby frame. 

 

But the worst of it came when I started abusing over the counter diet pills. The recommended dosage was one pill a day. I was taking 2 to 3 while drinking nothing but orange juice and canned soup. I remember being so lethargic that I would come home from school, fall out on the sofa and sleep until it was time to get up and get ready for bed. I was acting so strangely and sleeping so much that a rumor got started within my family that I was pregnant. The truth? I was suffering from an eating disorder. I was literally dying to be thin.

 

 

I’ve been out of high school for 25 years, and yes, I still struggle with my weight. I’m a lot older and a little bit wiser now. So I try to go about weight loss in a much healthier and less compulsive way.

This is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. In the United States alone, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from an eating disorder at some time in their life. For various reasons, many cases, like mine, are not to be reported. In addition, many individuals struggle with body dissatisfaction and sub-clinical disordered eating attitudes and behaviors, and the best-known contributor to the development of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is body dissatisfaction.  It’s hard to believe but by age 6, girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. This concern often endures through life.

If had one wish, it would be that I could tell these young teen and preteen girl  that they are beautiful. I don’t think anyone in my family ever told me that. But if I could go around door to door looking young girls in the eye, I’d give them a great big hug and tell them that they are beautiful. I’d tell them that yes, everyone is different. But every body type, hair color, eye color, skin color…is all  beautiful.

 

It’s a concept that I still have to remind myself of. I don’t have Naomi Campbell’s height or Gabrielle Union’s figure or Halle Berry’s looks…but I’m beautiful like ME. Not beautiful like them.

 

 

 

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are – Marilyn Monroe

There is a line between self-acceptance and wanting to be the healthiest most fit version of me that I can be. And I will admit, sometimes that line is blurred. There are some days that I like the person I see in the mirror and other times I spend hours thinking about all the things that are wrong with my face and body.

 

Self-Acceptance is a journey. I pray that place of complete approval. And it’s my prayer for you too. If you are struggling with your weight I pray that you are one day at peace with what you look like and that you are the healthiest version of you possible!

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

 

 

God bless and thanks for reading.

 

 

Always,

 

Blaque

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

Sayonara Eating Disorders: NEDA & The "I Had No Idea" Initiative

As folks (particularly women) strive to reach some illusionary notion of “perfection” – often through unnatural means – one organization is dedicating this week to usher in some sanity and positive sense of self behind one of the most persistent issues affecting Americans by the millions: Weight. The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) is launching its 27th annual National Eating Disorders Awareness Week from Feb. 23 – March 1. It’s their intention to educate and heal sufferers and their families regarding the complex disease.

Eating disorders can take on many forms, affecting women and men of all cultural backgrounds, especially in the US, where we’re force fed questionable and unattainable standards of physical beauty. The NEDA Awareness theme “I Had No Idea” aims to set the record straight about the pervasive, detrimental nature of eating disorders. The nationwide effort will unite communities to raise awareness about body image and bring national attention to the severity of eating disorders, which are bio-psycho-social illnesses with often devastating – sometimes life-threatening – consequences. While there is hope and recovery is possible – particularly with early intervention – many people suffer from the long-term effects of these illnesses.

NEDA is motivated by some pretty dire facts:

-The rate of development of new cases of eating disorders overall has been increasing since 1950.

-40% of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls 15-19 years old.

-The prevalence of eating disorders is similar among non-Hispanic Whites, Hispanics, African-Americans and Asians…

-It is common for eating disorders to occur with one or more other psychiatric disorders, which can complicate treatment and make recovery more difficult.

-The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 165 pounds. The average Miss America winner is 5’7” and weighs 121 pounds.

-Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women.

-For females between 15- and 24-years-old who suffer from anorexia nervosa, the mortality rate associated with the illness is 12 times higher than the death rate of all other causes of death.

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their lives, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or an eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS). Additionally, 4 out of 10 Americans either suffered or have known someone who has suffered from an eating disorder.

The week long initiative will offer a number of events, including, presentations and health fairs in schools and on college campuses; screenings of informational films; fashion shows featuring men and women of all body types; art shows; Scale-Smashing events (encouraging people to examine their “relationship” with the scale and begin a dialog); The Great Jeans Giveaway (encouraging people to get rid of jeans that don’t fit and to “be comfortable in your genes”); and NEDA Walks.

If no such events are going down in your immediate area, NEDA’s got you covered. Free Webinars are available to enlighten and inform. As a matter of fact the Eating Disorders in African American Communities course will be held this Wednesday, Feb. 26, 3 – 4:30 p.m. EST, by Gayle Brooks, MD, Gwen Vann and Benjamin O’Keefe. Visit http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/Webinars for more info, and to enroll.

 

10 Signs of an Eating Disorder

1. Drastic weight loss.

2. Preoccupation with counting calories.

3. The need to weigh yourself several times a day.

4. Excessive exercise.

5. Binge eating or purging.

6. Food rituals, like taking tiny bites, skipping food groups or re-arranging food on the plate.

7. Avoiding meals or only wanting to eat alone.

8. Taking laxatives or diuretics.

9. Smoking to curb appetite.

10. Persistent view of yourself as fat that worsens despite weight loss

If you’ve seen, or experienced any of the symptoms listed above, don’t hesitate to familiarize yourself with NEDA and their “I Had No Idea” initiative. The campaign may only be a week long, but it’s designed to generate positive change for a lifetime.

 

http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2014/02/sayonara-eating-disorders-neda-thei-idea-initiative/

Article: That Stuff Hurt My Feelings Because I'm A Human Being

That Stuff Does Hurt My Feelings Because I’m A Human Being” Gabourey Sidibe Opens Up to Roland Martin About Her Critics

 

“Plus yo my b**ch make your b**ch look like Precious.”

The Kanye West verse from “Mercy” has always been a bit disturbing because he isn’t referring to a computer animated graphic or an actor in makeup and a fat-suit, he’s referring to a real person.  Although Precious was a character played by Gabourey Sidibe, if you haven’t noticed when it comes to looks, the two have a lot in common.

In an Insta/Twitter kind of world, Kanye’s comments were among the first in what we could only call a slander campaign in in reference to Sidibe’s appearance.  Despite an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress in Precious, and also phenomenal roles in movies like Yelling To The Sky and television roles in American Horror Story: Coven, much of the public chooses to still focus on her appearance rather than her acting skills.

Journalist Roland Martin caught up with Sidibe before the 45th NAACP Image Awards to ask how she deals with the criticism:

“I feel like they’re talking about me because I’m busy,” says Sidibe. “That stuff does hurt my feelings because I’m a human being. I’m not a weak, sensitive person. I’m merely a person…I have to tell myself sometimes, ‘These strangers are saying things about you but look around you. You are in your dream. You’re in everybody else’s dream. You’re living a really good life and you’re happy’.”

Not too long ago Sidibe lashed out against Twitter trolls who criticized her red carpet look at the Golden Globes.  She says her response was a reminder to herself and the critics that harsh comments about her weight are the least of her concerns because when she looks around she is living her dream.

We think people should spend less time on the internet trying to assassinate someone’s appearance, and more time working on their own dream . In the meantime, we’re loving the way Sidibe handles the shade with class and a smile on her face. Sidibe recently debuted new movie White Bird in a Blizzard at Sundance. To hear the rest of her interview with Roland Martin and their “date” plans visit HelloBeautiful.com.

http://madamenoire.com/403718/stuff-hurt-feelings-im-human-gabourey-sidibe-opens-roland-martin-critics

My thoughts: Making a person feel bad about their appearance is the most despicable thing another person can do. We are all flawed. None of us, no matter what the magazines, movie, and media would have you think are perfect. But if I could tell this young sista anything, it would be to enjoy the life she’s living. But if she wants to have a LONG life, do something about your weight. I think Gabourey is beautiful, I hope she believes she is as well. You don’t have to be a doctor to know that she is unhealthy. She doesn’t look emotionally, spiritually or physically healthy in any, way shape or form. I think that people who take to social media to call her names or make nasty comments about her appearance should be ashamed of themselves. But there is a difference between being confident and being in denial. Losing weight won’t make her haters right. It will add years to her life. My prayer is that she realizes that sooner rather than later.

Going Cold Turkey

 

I HATE gaining weight and I HATE making stupid decisions.

 

I eat healthy most of the time, but when I don’t, I pretend as if my poor choices won’t have an effect on my body.

 

For a long period of time, I stopped going to Starbucks.  One day however, I went for my mother, decided to buy a drink for myself, then got an upset stomach from all the sugar in my drink. I told myself that I would NEVER go back…but I did and eventually built up a tolerance to the sugar.

 

In time, I stopped making my daily Starbucks run and lost a little weight. But as the weather changed, I got the brilliant idea of substituting my high calorie sugary drinks for their sugar-free alternatives. I convinced myself that an occasional sugar-free latte on a cold winter’s morning wouldn’t kill me. But like any addict, it started with sugar-free lattes then I slowly worked my way back up to the hard core Caramel Macchiatos and my latest obsession, Carmel Flan Lattes.

 

And my Nature Valley Protein Bars? I suffer from insomnia. And every time I wake up during the night I go to the kitchen and eat one. Sure, they are healthier than candy or chips, but I purchased a box yesterday and this morning the box is EMPTY. Gremlins? Nope, moi! I’m so disappointed in myself! 190 calories times 5 bars…clearly I’ve gone mad!

 

I’m stronger than this. So I am going cold-turkey. No more trips to Starbucks and absolutely no more protein bars. These two things are wreaking havoc on my diet.

I think back to when I was preparing for Weight Loss Surgery. I had several meetings with a Nutritionist. I had to decide which WLS procedure I was going to have: Gastric Banding, Sleeve Gastrectomy, or Gastric Bypass Surgery. Because, I was a big sweets eater (more so than I am now if you can believe that) the Nutritionist suggested Gastric Bypass Surgery because with this option, I would “supposedly” be unable to eat anything with a high amount of sugar. Doing so would trigger what’s called Dumping Syndrome. I won’t bore you with the details of dumping…Google it, if you’re feeling inquisitive.  

Anyway, the thought of NEVER having anything sweet again sent chills down my spine. I’m not even kidding, I had just eaten an entire pint of Butter Pecan Häagen-Dazs for dinner the night before (not making this up, I actually had ice cream for dinner) and the thought of never having it again petrified me. It was all I could do not to get up and run haul ass out of her office. That’s how hooked I was on the stuff. But now, more than two years later, I couldn’t tell you the last time I had it or even thought about it. For the record, I am one of the few people who CAN eat sweets and not experience dumping. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I can honestly say, even though I CAN eat ice cream, I don’t. I don’t crave even crave it anymore. And if I can rid myself of the all mighty Häagen-Dazs , I can rid myself of Starbucks and protein bars too.

If I could eat and drink these things in moderation I would. But I know that I can’t. Not right now. So until I reach my goal AND have maintained 135 pounds for a few months…those things don’t exist to me.

I am so ready to make the shift and get back on the right track. Wish me luck!

As always, thanks for reading.

Blaque

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

Article: Harder for black women to lose weight, reveals new study

Research claims African Caribbean women must do more to shed pounds

Fit friends Singer Kelly Rowland and Hollywood fitness trainer Jeanette Jenkins

WITH CHRISTMAS now out of the way, gyms across the country will be bracing themselves for the rush of people hoping to trim off the extra calories gained over the festive period.

But if new research is to be believed, black women have to eat fewer calories and take more excerise to lose the same amount of weight as their white counterparts.

In the report, published in the December 20 issue of International Journal of Obesity, James DeLany, an associate professor in the division of endocrinology and metabolism at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, said black women having slower metabolic rates, which decreased their daily energy burn.

“At first, it was thought that perhaps the African American women didn’t adhere as closely to their calorie prescriptions or that the interventions were not culturally sensitive,” Dr James DeLany explained.

“But even in research projects that were designed to address those possibilities, the difference in weight loss remained.”

To reach this conclusion, 66 white and 69 black women were placed on the same calorie-restricted diet of an average of 1,800 calories a day for six months. They also were assigned the same exercise schedule.

The study found that black women on average lost seven pounds less than Caucasian women on the same diet.

Dr Mitch Roslin, chief of bariatric surgery at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, agreed there were racial and genetic differences in obesity, which had been backed up by previous studies.

“These things are real. However, this study advances our understanding by ruling out other explanations.

“It's not just related to socioeconomic class or access to care or environmental situations.”

Clara Mosha, a 46-year-old personal trainer and health coach from south London, said the findings were no excuse for women to let themselves go.

She said: “In my experience, this is very general and not specific to any ethnicity, but as you get older your metabolism slows down. In my 20s, I could eat anything and I had a lean body.”

The black community is prone to lifestyle diseases such as obesity, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and stroke, which have been linked to our type of diets.

Mosha added: “Our food has a lot of carbohydrates and the way we cook it, so we buy it fresh produce and then once cooked they lose all their nutrients.”

Statistics from the NHS Information Centre UK claim that 38 per cent of Black African women were obese, along with 32 per cent of Black Caribbean women.

Dr Jude Oben, a liver specialist at St Thomas Hospital said: “My reading of the research by is that clinicians and patients need to be aware that African-American patients have a lower resting metabolic rate and a lower total daily energy requirement.

"Therefore, if you are trying to downsize a group of patients, one half of whom are African-Americans and the other Caucasian, you need to give the African American population a lower daily energy target than the Caucasian population to achieve the same weight loss you need.

"If you don’t do this, your African American population will lose less weight than the Caucasian population, as their energy requirement per day is lower than that of the Caucasian population."

As a result of this, Mosha advised her clients wanting to improve their lifestyle, whether it is losing weight, increasing fitness or energy levels, that balancing exercise with a good diet was essential in order to lead a healthy lifestyle.

“You can improve your metabolism through exercise and the activity that you do. Mine is higher now than it was in my 20s, as I take my health seriously," she said.
“Embrace a [healthy diet] as part of your my lifestyle and take care of yourself.”

http://www.voice-online.co.uk/article/harder-black-women-lose-weight-reveals-new-study

Feeling Bad, Eating Bad...This MUST Stop

Hi. My name is Yolanda and I've fallen...again!

I've been off track for about a week...a week and a half maybe. And man oh man, does it show.
I feel sluggish, heavy and I'm completely disgusted with myself.

Despite my best efforts trying, I can't seem to pull it together and get back on my grind. My clothes are fitting a little tighter and the weight gain in my hips and thighs are very visible. So I got on the scale tonight for a little reality check...151 pounds.

6 pounds in 7 days...who does that? When I weigh in again on Wednesday, I will take ANY weight loss. A pound...a half a pound...anything.  I just need to get back to my routine of eating right and exercising consistently.

As fate would have it, I received a new workout DVD in the mail today.

Bob Harper, let's do this.

My goals over the next 4 days is to do Bob Harper's Inside Out Method at least 3 out of 4 nights AND stay under 1200 calories a day. That is the tougher one for me. I am such an emotional eater. Sometimes I snack all day. But I know I need to start writing a different narrative for myself. If I actually ate my emotions I would be 600 pounds. I can't keep using sadness and frustration as excuses for eating poorly. And if I keep telling myself I am an emotional eater, I will never beat this thing.

Moment of silence, please....

It all changes NOW. I'm breaking the chains that bind my brain.

I affirm: For me, dieting simply means eating good and healthy food and taking care of my body.

I think I'm ready...pray for me as I pray for you!

Thanks for reading.

 

Always,

 

Blaque

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

#THROWBACKTHURSDAY

You have to hand it to me…when I go off track, I go ALL THE WAY OFF! I haven’t been to the gym since the 14^th and my diet has been more like a free-for-all over the last several days. Can you say Carb City? I’d contemplated giving up…again, BUT I’m fighting my way back. Yesterday I did a little walking and it felt so good to go out in the sunshine and breathe in fresh air. As I walked, I was reminded of an email I had received earlier that morning. It was a copy of a message from Joel Osteen and it was about having a “victor’s mentality”.

 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  – Proverbs 8:37

 

I have to remember how far I’ve come on this journey and I have to keep a vision of victory. I have changed drastically over the last few years. I fought hard to get the bulk of my weight off and I have to fight even harder to reach my goal. I look at the picture I’ve chosen for today’s Throwback Thursday and it scares the hell out of me. I NEVER want to go back to that place. I NEVER want to see that body again. I have to remember all of the things I have survived…all the things that I have done that I never thought I could do. These last 10 pounds are no match for me. I will reach my goal!

 

So here’s to Throwback Thursday and to the fact that I am NEVER going back!

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Always, 

 

Blaque

 

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~

Taking Back My Power

 

I’m going to be all the way honest, for the past several days I’ve blown it. Diet and exercise have been the last things on my mind. Losing weight requires a level of mental toughness but for the past few days I have been an absolute punk! Getting older and the horrors of another Valentine’s Day coupled with major disappointments and harsh realities…it was just too much. I mean, I talked a good game about being positive and having love in my life in all the ways that matter most, but my
subconscious self was doing a number on my diet and exercise routine.
 

It’s all over now. For my own good, I’ve unceremoniously said goodbye to the root of some of my self-sabotaging behaviors. I’ve given this person, or the idea of this person, too much power in my life for too many years. I’m another year older and hopefully a little bit wiser. It’s time for me to take back my power with the same ferocity that  O.J. Simpson had when he took back his sports memorabilia. Hopefully my outcome won’t be as disastrous as his. 
 

For this week and only this week, I am not going to weigh in on Wednesday. I don’t want to give myself any more reasons to spiral out of control. What I will do however is find at least one thing each and every day to inspire me to keep fighting the good fight. Today, I’m starting with the word.

I spent a short time this morning reading some of my favorite bible verses. And tonight, before I go to bed, I am dedicating at least a half hour to reading scripture.  It all starts with Him after all. Job 12:10 tells us that “It is God who directs the lives of his creatures; everyone’s life is in his power.”  Amen to that!

 

I have been feeling a little weaker and a little more lost lately. But I am releasing yesterday and relying on my Lord and Savior and His word to get me through this fragile season. 
 

If you have given up a little or a lot of your power, my prayer is that you find the strength by any means necessary to take that power back.
 

Be encouraged today.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

Always, 

Blaque

Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
 ~ 3 John 1:2 ~