Blaque Is Getting Ripped: More Than A Weight Loss Blog: National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: My Story

Is this the face of someone with an eating disorder?

Looking back at this photo, I doubt that anyone would think I was fat. But when I was in high school, that’s exactly what I was…fat. At least in my mind anyway. I wasn’t thin as a rail like a lot of the other girls my age. I had a body like a grown woman and I absolutely hated it. I wanted to look like everyone else.

Eventually, I developed such an abnormal relationship with my body and with food that I wouldn’t eat in the cafeteria at lunch time. Most of the time, I’d go all day without eating anything. I felt as though if people saw me eating, it would somehow confirm that I was a pig and that I ate too much.

It didn’t stop there. I was so ashamed of my body that I wouldn’t “dress out” in gym class. I actually failed gym twice in high school...TWICE. All because I didn’t want to change clothes in front of the other girls and reveal to anyone my chubby frame.

But the worst of it came when I started abusing over the counter diet pills. The recommended dosage was one pill a day. I was taking 2 to 3 while drinking nothing but orange juice and canned soup. I remember being so lethargic that I would come home from school, fall out on the sofa and sleep until it was time to get up and get ready for bed. I was acting so strangely and sleeping so much that a rumor got started within my family that I was pregnant. The truth? I was suffering from an eating disorder. I was literally dying to be thin.

I’ve been out of high school for 25 years, and yes, I still struggle with my weight. I’m a lot older and a little bit wiser now. So I try to go about weight loss in a much healthier and less compulsive way.

This is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. In the United States alone, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from an eating disorder at some time in their life. For various reasons, many cases, like mine, are not to be reported. In addition, many individuals struggle with body dissatisfaction and sub-clinical disordered eating attitudes and behaviors, and the best-known contributor to the development of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is body dissatisfaction. It’s hard to believe but by age 6, girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. This concern often endures through life.

If had one wish, it would be that I could tell these young teen and preteen girl that they are beautiful. I don’t think anyone in my family ever told me that. But if I could go around door to door looking young girls in the eye, I’d give them a great big hug and tell them that they are beautiful. I’d tell them that yes, everyone is different. But every body type, hair color, eye color, skin color…is all beautiful.

It’s a concept that I still have to remind myself of. I don’t have Naomi Campbell’s height or Gabrielle Union’s figure or Halle Berry’s looks…but I’m beautiful like ME. Not beautiful like them.

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are – Marilyn Monroe

There is a line between self-acceptance and wanting to be the healthiest most fit version of me that I can be. And I will admit, sometimes that line is blurred. There are some days that I like the person I see in the mirror and other times I spend hours thinking about all the things that are wrong with my face and body.

Self-Acceptance is a journey. I pray that place of complete approval. And it’s my prayer for you too. If you are struggling with your weight I pray that you are one day at peace with what you look like and that you are the healthiest version of you possible!

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org