Elevated B12

As if I didn't have enough to worry about...I received a call from my doctor's office regarding some lab work I recently had done. I was told that my B12 levels are high...very high. This is odd to me because I was taking B12 supplements, but like everything else in my life, I wasn't consistent. I did a Google search on elevated B12 levels and I really wish I hadn't. This could be a sign of a number of very serious medical conditions. Or maybe it's nothing, I don't know. In any event, I have to get my blood work re-checked but not until December. Three months is a long time to wait, but what are my options?

I have to believe that regardless of the outcome, there is a purpose for all of this. Right now, I am going to focus more on eating healthy and clean rather than whatever number happens to be on the scale on any given day. At this moment my weight is the least of my worries. Being as healthy as I can be is paramount right now.

For lunch I made a very quick and healthy vegetable stir-fry with steamed rice. It was delicious.

I bought the vegetables pre-packaged from Trader Joe's. I sautéed them in a little olive oil, light soy sauce, salt, pepper and Smart Balance. Simple and tasty...just the way I like my food!

The rest of the day I tried to keep myself busy. Housework, housework, housework and lots of snuggling with my favorite guy.

I plan on doing a lot of this during these next three months. I'm convinced that my son's cuddles have medicinal powers. He makes everything better!

After I put Travis to bed, I reluctantly did Week 3 Day 2 of Ripped In 30. I was distracted and really didn't want to work out. Besides, this level is super hard and I just don't think I'm in good enough shape to give it 100%. I know that sounds rather defeatist, but rest assured I have no intentions of giving up. I just wish I could do the moves better and keep up with the number of repetitions. I really feel my age while doing Week 3. And the last thing I need right now is to be reminded of my age.

Where did all the years go?

Anyway, thanks for reading and allowing me to purge. Promise me that you will do at least one thing after reading this that will improve your health. It's all important!

Grace and peace,

Blaque

Finally, Week 3 of Ripped In 30

After a few days off from working out, I finally completed Week 3 Day 1 of Ripped In 30...oh the horror!

I have to admit, I really struggled with Level 3. I lost a lot of momentum after not working out in several days. Travis' nurse had personal issues this week and my workout routine was completely thrown off. I honestly felt as though I was back at Week 1 Day 1.

The first circuit was Quad Hell. Bear crawls, duck walks, and squats...oh my! My legs and abs are sore and I know I didn't even do most of the moves properly. Level 3 is definitely a challenge. But like the other two levels, it will get better...I hope! I didn't even do the cool down. By the end of the circuit 3 I was laying in the middle of the floor sweating profusely and bargaining with Jesus...Lord, if you just help me to get in shape, I'll never abuse food or my body again!

Somehow, I doubt He bought it!

Despite the fact that I didn't do the cool down, I still added a dollar to my workout jar. I completed the hard parts. That counts, right?

CHA-CHING!

 

As worn out and sore as I am, I'm happy to be back on track and excited to continue with Week 3. I can't wait to see the results at the end of this difficult level.

Wish me luck, I'll need it.

Always,

Blaque

Improvements

I had the day off from work yesterday because Travis had an appointment with his orthopedic specialist. My plan was to take him to his appointment, come home and relax, grab a bite to eat  and then hit the 5 mile trail. But due to circumstances beyond my control,  I never made it back out of the house. This is why I prefer to run or workout on my lunch breaks. Once I get home, finding time to workout becomes increasingly difficult. So Level 2 Day 5 of Ripped In 30 was my only exercise yesterday.

And you know, I’ve been so preoccupied with not being able to do the plank jacks and mountain climbers the way that I want to do them, that I almost didn’t notice the things that have gotten easier. When I started with day 1 of this level, I couldn’t do the side lunges with a leg raise without getting a cramp. But now, I can do them with no trouble at all. Also, my balance has gotten so much better. I don’t wobble nearly as much. I’m making improvements. I still may not be able to do all of the moves, but I’m better and stronger now than I was when I started Level 2. That’s encouraging.

I tend to always eat more when I am at home. Maybe because there are more stress triggers there. I didn’t bother tracking my food. I think I ate relatively healthy food, it’s just that there was a lot a whole lot of it. 

I ate lots of fruit, a whole wheat English muffin with a little Smart Balance Light spread, veggie bacon, rice cakes with almond butter, a protein shake, an ear of corn, and for dinner I had ½ cup of yellow rice and some sautéed mushrooms.

These mushrooms were so flavorful if I do say so myself. I sautéed them in a little EVOO, garlic, salt, pepper and a little Emeril's Essence spice. I know that a lot of people are not big fans of mushrooms but I highly recommend them. They are great meat substitute because of their texture and they actually have a lot of health benefits.

I remember being a kid growing up on what I joking call a BAD diet (Black American Diet).

I remember eating lots of fried chicken, maybe some pork chops, white rice, canned vegetables, lots of white bread, noodles, and tons of Kool-Aid. Don’t get me wrong, my mother, like many others, did the best she could when it came to putting food on the table. But I don’t think in those days much that was given to nutrition. So a lot of adults my age are just use to eating things that we grew up on. But now, we have so many luxuries that our parents didn’t have. Healthy and affordable recipes are at our disposal via the internet. We don’t have to have a degree in Nutrition to know whether or not the food we eat is healthy.

As a matter of fact, I am setting a mini-goal for myself:

For the next three days I am not eating any processed food no matter how healthy I think it is. Nothing out of a box, not even rice cakes or peanut butter or almond butter. Wait…that means no protein bars or Morningstar Farms products…YIKES!

But my eating habits have been out of order lately so from now through Sunday, if I can’t eat it in the form that it grew, it’s not going in my mouth.

Do you have any diet or fitness goals? Tell me about them.

Thanks for reading.

Always,

Blaque

Level 2 Day 4 of Ripped In 30 - The Remix



OK, so I had a moment the other night. I was so freaked out because of I gained .4 of a pound. I know, I know...pretty pathetic. But I have been feeling stronger and my endurance has increased especially during my runs. Those are the things I will try to focus on going forward as opposed to the number on the scale.

While I was at work, I walked .81 miles on my first 15 minute break (it actually took 16:33 minutes. Don't tell my manager) and on my second break I walked 1.04 miles. After work, I did Week 5 Day 2 of C25K. Todays workout started with a 5 minute warm up followed by two 8 minute runs separated with a 5 minute walk. These runs are definitely getting harder but I was able to complete it without stopping. 

Then Travis gave me the best gift ever. He fell asleep at 8pm so I was able to start Level 2 Day 4 of Ripped In 30 before 9 o'clock. Yes! I am still struggling with the plank jacks, mountain climbers and crow push ups. In fact, instead of doing crow push ups I do regular push ups. And I have to stop and rest my arms during the plank jacks and mountain climbers. The rest of the workout is challenging but doable. I've decided to extend this level until I've done at least 7 days. I really want to do the moves I just described without stopping.

I've tried to increase my water intake. I had a total of 104 ounces...I was shooting for a gallon. I haven't been tracking my food lately because I felt I was eating pretty healthy. But I think I will start again just to make sure I am not eating more calories than I should.

I'm 10 pounds away from my goal weight. I'm 5 pounds away from a total weight loss of 100 pounds. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. Time to turn it up!

Thanks for reading.

Always,

Blaque

Women Food and God

Have you ever read a novel and felt like the author wrote it specifically for you? That’s how I felt when I started reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. 

This book is brilliantly written. I’m only on chapter 4 but I’ve had so many “That’s me!” moments. It’s like she’s in my head. 

When she wrote about prayer my first thought was that, "I've felt like this so many times!." She wrote, "When my prayers weren't answered, I felt ashamed for believing I could be saved; I decided that God saw something in my cells that was unredeemable - and that I was on my own"

She goes on to say, "Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life."

YES! 

This author appears to get to the root of compulsive eating. She seems to have a very good understand of why women like myself over eat instead of dealing with what's really troubling them. Like I said, I only got made it to chapter 4 before I sleep started taking over. I can't wait to get home and read more.

I was so busy with housework yesterday that I did a lot of snacking throughout the day. I made a pineapple, banana, strawberry, spinach and kale smoothie...scrumdiddlyumptious!!! I had part of the smoothie for breakfast then had more later in the day. I ate some marinated cucumbers for a snack. And around mid day I had brown rice and collard greens.

The only exercise was Level 2 Day 2 of Ripped In 30. Surprisingly, it wasn't quite as painful as Day 1. I still couldn't do an many of the plank jacks and mountain clumbers as the ladies on the video. But I did more than I did before and I guess that's all I can ask of myself. 

Overall, I was pleased with how my day went. I got in some exercise I food was healthy and controlled. Oh, I did have one oatmeal and raisen cookie. It was only 90 calories and I was proud of myself for eating just that one.

Looking forward to kicking it up next week with my workouts. I'm so close to my goal wieght I don't know what to do!

Here I come you elusive number, you!

Thanks for reading all!

Grace and peace,

Blaque

Level 2 of Ripped In 30...a whole new kinda hell!

Oh, how I wish I could keep calm! Level 2 Day 1 of Ripped in 30 didn't go so well. Clearly Jillian Michaels worships the devil! I mean, only a twisted, sadistic mind would make a person go from strength training to plank jacks right into mountain climbers and then shortly thereafter crow push ups? Really Jillian?
I spent most of Day 1 looking at my TV screen in disbelief and checking to make sure I didn't click on Level 4 by mistake. Thank goodness I got a 2 mile walk in earlier in the day because I truly sucked at Level 2. But like Jillian said during the Level 1 workout "You don't buy a Jillian Michaels video and think it's gonna be easy." So true Jillian, so true. I'm not going to let this level beat me. It may take me more than 5 or 6 days to get it right, but I'm definitely gonna stay the course. Pray for me!

As if I'm not being tortured enough with level 2 of Ripped, I also decided that I am going to once again try to make the transition from vegetarian to vegan.

When I became a vegetarian 11 years ago, I made the decision to stop eating meat and fish and never looked back. For me, it was easy. But this vegan thing...not so much. However, unbeknown to me, I've been consuming sheep and goat cheese every time I have feta on my salads...who knew? That to me, is disgusting. I no longer want any part of dairy of any kind. However, this means an end to ice cream, macaroni and cheese, and pizza as I know it. And it will also require me to read labels closely and educate myself. This is going to be a little difficult, but I think I can do it.

No, I KNOW I can do it! This is a lifestyle choice I really want to commit to. I'm already looking for and experimenting with new recipes. Yesterday I had marinated cucumbers and red onions. They were truly delicious, I could literally eat them every day.

Plant base diets are better for our health, helps with weight loss, is good for the environment, and most importantly to me, takes me out of the animal cruelty equation. So this transition will be worth the effort.

Thanks for reading!

Always,

Blaque

Finished Level 1 of Ripped in 30...Drum Roll Please!

Last night I finished Level 1 Day 6 of Ripped in 30.

Here are the results:

Starting Weight       Current Weight
158.6                        144.6

Goal Weight
135

Starting Bust            Current Bust
37 inches                  36 inches

Starting Waist         Current Waist
33 inches                 30 inches

Starting Hips           Current Hips
42 inches                 40 inches

Starting Forearm     Current Forearm
12 1/2 inches           12 1/2 inches

Starting Wrist         Current Wrist
6 1/2 inches            6 inches

Starting Thigh        Current Thigh
24 inches                23 inches

Starting BMI       Current BMI
27.22                      24.82

Starting Body Fat %    Current Body Fat %
42.32%                            39.44%



Now I realize that going from 158 to 144 is mostly water weight being released, so I'm not exactly doing back flips. But the slight change in inches is encouraging. I'm looking forward to starting Level 2 of Ripped so that I can keep this momentum going.

It was a beautiful day yesterday. 82 and sunny. A perfect day for a run. I did Week 4 Day 2 of my C25K workout. This week is rough. I run during my lunch break. I usually leave my job and do the intervals to the end of the workout. Then I walk most of the way back to work, running it out to finish strong for the last .25 of a mile. But this week? No way. I've been walking the entire way back and that's OK. I don't want to over do it. I'm building my endurance and I'm able to run for longer periods of time and that is the goal of doing this program.

My diet was pretty good yesterday. I had a rice cake with peanut butter for breakfast. A Fiber One bar when I got to work. A half cup of rice and a half cup of greens for lunch. Some Muscle Milk and a pear after my run. Then for dinner I had the most awesome salad from Salad Creations. If you've never heard of this place do a Google search to see if there is one near you, then GO...IMMEDIATELY! 

It's sort of like going to Subway where you walk through the line and tell the workers what you want. But it's way better. They have dozens of salads on the menu to choose from. You tell them which one you want and they make it as you're standing there. The employees are like salad Batistas. The will tweak the salad to your liking, adding or removing anything you want or don't want. You also have the option of just creating your own. I always get the Spicy Veggie. It has a spring mix of greens, cilantro, tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, onions, black beans, tortilla chips, and it's sprinkled with a little cayenne pepper! I had them add some feta cheese today because I love the tanginess of it. Yum! This salad is bursting with flavor and the it's only around $7! Nice.

Tell me, how are you coming with your workout and diet program? I'd love to hear from you.

Always,

Blaque

"Your Face Is So Thin!"

So my son went back to school yesterday.

 

 

Happy 1st day of school Travis!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He has the same bus driver as last year. When she saw me, the first thing she said was "Your face is so thin!"

 

BIG SIGH!

 

I mustered up a half-hearted "Thank you." But I am so over people telling me how thin my face is. I mean, I get it. My face is super thin these days. I've lost over 80 pounds; it's supposed to be thin. If I had my old face with my new body, I'd look like I had a profound and incurable case of the mumps.

 

 

 

 

But with so many people commenting on my face specifically, it's starting to feel like insults. I can't control where the weight comes off or how thin my face is getting. I'm at my lowest weight since my 20's, so I understand that most people aren't use to seeing me look this way. But the fact is, I am still considered over weight. If people are freaking out now, what will happen when I lose another 20 or so pounds?

 

I believe that most people mean well, but I can't help but wish that they would choose their words more carefully. I wish that they would consider that by commenting on a person's weight loss or weight gain they may be contributing to that person's body image issues. I realize that we live in a looks-based and diet obsessed society, so at the first sign of a friend, family member of co-worker losing weight or changing their appearance, the curiosity of others is piqued. But for me, a person who has struggled with weight and food and my body, comments about my appearance feels incredibly intrusive.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone handed out compliments for things OTHER than someone's appearance? Tell me that I am a good mother. Compliment me on my good deeds or for teaching someone something new. In fact, that's my challenge for anyone reading this. Compliment someone today for what he or she does or for who he or she is. Then come back and share it with me.

Looks change, but a person's heart, soul and character is ultimately what's all important.

 

Moving on...I was so anxious about getting my son off to school that I left the house without my lunch. So I had to visit my old pal the snack machine while I was at work. However, I tried to be thoughtful and make the healthiest choices possible.

 

I had protein shake before I left the house. Then later had a bag of trail mix (270 calories), 2 fiber one bars (140 calories each). I had some green tea. And I also had some Vanilla Crème muscle milk that I keep in my desk. (170 calories and 20g of protein). Muscle milk is super tasty and very convenient for work or to drink after a workout. For dinner I had a Smart Ones meal. It was the Creamy Pasta Romano with Spinach. (230 calories). I try to stay away from a lot of processed foods, but I keep them in the freezer and try to only have them once a week or so.

 

On my two 15 minute breaks, I took a walk around the perimeter of our campus.

 

 

 

Getting away from my desk and breathing fresh air during the day is one of the things I am going to miss the most about the end of summer. When the cold weather sets in, I won't be able to get out and walk or jog. I really love being out doors and taking in the beauty of my surroundings. I am going to take advantage of what's left of the nice conditions and get out as much as possible.

 

Before I went to bed I completed Level 1 Day 5 of Ripped In 30. I went back to using 5 lb weights and I think I will complete one more day with 5 lb weights before moving on to Level 2. I actually had more energy last night than I had while doing the first four days. Maybe it was because I didn't have a morning or midday workout like on some of the other days or maybe the carbs I had at dinner gave me a little more energy. I don't know, but it sure felt good to focus on the routine as opposed to watching the clock to see when it will be over.

 

If you're a parent, I hope your child had a great first day back at school!

 

And don't forget to compliment and share!

 

Always,

 

Blaque

 

 

 

Balance

As I was doing Level 1 Day 4 of Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30, I realized that the most challenging part of doing these workouts is keeping my balance. Other than the single-leg hops and skaters which requires me to land on one foot, the moves are not incredibly hard. Still, I keep wobbling and find myself fighting for control and balance.

I find myself fighting for control and balance...that's the story of my life.

During the workout my inner voice kept saying "Don't give up! Keep at it! Eventually, you'll find your balance!"

After a little reflection I know now that I need to be equally encouraging in other areas of my life. I need to be more patient in regards to my compulsive eating. I didn't get this way over night and I can't normalize over night either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be complacent about it. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep trying to correct it. And eventually, I will find my balance!

Major "Aha moment" for me!

My meals today were a little more controlled. I had a protein shake (240 calories), a banana, a bowl of grapes, a rice cake w/ peanut butter (250 calories), 1/2 cup of pinto beans (120 calories), 1/2 cup of collard greens (60 calories) another banana, more collards, and a nectarine.

Just in case anyone reading this is thinking that this is not enough food, I had Gastric bypass surgery in 2011. I no longer have a functioning stomach. My surgeon created a small pouch at the top of my stomach using surgical staples. My pouch was then connected to my small intestine. So I can only tolerate a small amount of food at a time. Trust me, I've tried to devour a plate full of some of my favorite things...I didn’t' turn out well.

In addition to R.I.30, I also did a total of 75 sit-ups and I did Week 4 Day 1 of C25K on my Run Double app.

The run starts with a 5 minute warm up followed by 3 minutes of running, 90 seconds of walking, 5 minutes of running, 2 minutes 30 seconds of walking, then it repeats, and finally it ends with a 5 minute cool down.

I'm not that great of a runner. I long for the days when I was in the Army Reserves and could run for miles. But that was a lifetime ago. Now, I'm 42 years old, about 30 pounds heavier than I was then, I'm slower, my form is horrible, and I have a terrible case of Genu valgum (which means I'm knock kneed but Genu valgum sounds less child-like). I probably don't look like a runner, but I have to admit, I love it and it does wonders for my stress!

Considering that I was putting all of the final touches together to send my son back to school tomorrow, today was a pretty good day as far as diet and exercise.

I will continue to search for that elusive balance and try to be consistent with it when I find it. But if I stumble, I will be gentle with myself and know that tomorrow is another day.

Tell me, how do YOU find balance in your life?

Until next time, may you have harmony, peace, and yes, balance, today and always!

Regards,

Blaque

A Bad Day

If I had to describe today in two words they would be: EPIC FAIL!

I went on somewhat of a feeding frenzy. I had a cup of green tea sweetened with
one package of Splenda when I woke up this morning. Then throughout the day I had one cup of succotash (200 calories), 1 slice of mango, the last of my vegetarian spaghetti, 1 caramel corn rice cake with 2 tbsp. of peanut butter (250 calories) 1 banana, 3 more slices of mango, and a Morningstar Farms Mushroom Lover's burger patty (just the patty, no bread 110 calories).

I was super busy with housework so I didn't get a chance to go for a walk. But I did 25 sit-ups early in the day. And after I put Travis to bed I decided to do Level 1 Day 3 of Ripped in 30 and a Walk Away the Pounds DVD.

I used 3 lb weights instead of 5 lbs while doing Ripped because I'm still concerned about my shoulder. However, using the 3 pounders felt like I wasn't holding anything at all. Still, with all the popping in my joints while doing the moves I'm starting to feel my age for the first time ever.

Walk Away the Pounds is probably one of the easiest workout DVDs on the market. But try doing it right after a Jillian Michaels workout and it suddenly becomes 10 times more difficult. My legs were so weak and soar, but I made it to the end of the 2 mile walk.

I should have left well enough alone, taken a shower and gone to bed. But oh no...I attempted to shampoo my carpet...at 9:25 at night only to find out that my carpet cleaner was leaking. Big time leaking. AARGH!!! Annoyed, I had another rice cake with peanut butter and a grilled cheese sandwich. Old habits die hard! I said I would be honest...I eat my stress and it is what it is. Eating when I'm upset feels involuntary at times. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. All I can do is try and make tomorrow better than today.

Right now, I'm going to go watch Total Divas and wish I had a body like the Funkadactyls...either one of them...I'm not picky.

I bet they don't eat grilled cheese sandwiches in the middle of the night.

God, help me!

Tell me, how do you deal with bad days?

I'm looking forward to reading your comments.

Always,

Blaque

Rest and Recovery

For some reason, my left shoulder is still very sore. I heard popping on that side as I was doing the first two days of R.I.30. One would think that having to lift a 90 pound child in and out of bed, in and out of his wheelchair, and in and out of the bathtub every day would give me more upper body strength.  But I guess my upper body didn't get the memo. In any event, I decided to rub my shoulder with Ben-Gay and take a break from Ripped. I still managed to squeeze in a little activity however.

I did 25 sit-ups as soon as I got out of bed, 25 when Travis took a nap, and then 25 more after he went to bed. After dinner, I took a short 1.34 mile walk. Also, when I went to Target, I did what so many weight loss experts say to do. I parked as far away as I could in order to get in some extra steps.

The distance from the parking lot, through the store for 2 items, and back to my vehicle was .38 miles. That doesn't sound like a lot, but if done a few times a week it can start to add up. And hey, every little bit helps, right? I probably wouldn't do this every time I run an errand, but if I don't have my family with me and I'm wearing sensible shoes, there is no reason why I can't make this part of my routine. I've decided that every thing I do from this point on is either going to help me lose weight or cause me to gain. And I am determined to do whatever it takes to lose this weight once and for all.

My diet today wasn't too bad. Throughout the course of the day I had a protein shake, 1 pineapple spear, 1 slice of mango, 1 bowl of spaghetti, 1 apple and a bowl of grapes. Then when I woke up to change Travis' briefs I had a banana the first time and another pineapple spear the next. Like I said, not too bad.

Now, I have to get myself mentally prepared for Day 3 of Ripped in 30. Anytime I stop something, it's so hard to get started again. But I CAN. I WILL. I MUST!

Tell me, how often do you take rest and recovery days?


Blaque

To Workout or Not to Workout? That is the Question

I have to admit, I really, REALLY did not want to do Level 1 Day 2 of Ripped In 30. After all, I did 25 sit-ups as soon as I got out of bed. Around 2pm I walked 3.40 miles. Then after dinner I took Travis out in his wheelchair and did another 1.31 miles. So at 9pm when I finally got my little man in bed, all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and enjoy some quiet time on my sofa.

But I knew that if I skipped a workout this early in the process, I would probably continue to skip workouts. Then, I thought about that bowl of vegetarian spaghetti I had for dinner and decided to push myself. Besides, the workout is only 24 minutes. I figured I could do the workout, take a shower and still have time to chill before going to bed. So that's exactly what I did. And boy oh boy, what a difference a day makes. I'm really starting to feel it.

I'm using 5 lb weights until it becomes unbearable then I switch to 3 lbs. Between the push-ups, planks, and strength training on this level, my arms and shoulders are quite soar. My lower body didn't get a break either. The squats and lunges combined with all the walking I did earlier have my legs tingling. But I understand that this is all part of the process. The fact that I am sore is a sign that my body is doing what I want it to do. Right? *crosses fingers for good luck*

I may take a rest day tomorrow and pick back up on Sunday. I am not limiting myself to a Sunday - Saturday timeframe. Whenever I have completed 5 or 6 workouts on one level, I will move on to the next. I'm just going to listen to my body and do what feels right...without becoming too much of a slacker.

As far as my food intake, it was much better today. I still find myself grazing and snacking all day, but for the most part, it was healthy.

I started my morning with a simple protein shake made with Whey protein powder that I picked up from Wal-Mart and Trader Joe's organic soy milk. 240 calories and 32 grams of protein in total.

Throughout the remainder of the day I had a nectarine, a banana, a Nature Valley Protein Bar (190 calories), 1 cup of Glory string beans with potatoes (60 calories), a bowl of home made vegetarian spaghetti (God only knows how many calories it was), and 1 pineapple spear. Here's where it becomes less healthy...in the middle of the night when Travis woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep, I raided the fridge and ate the last two slices of lemon pound cake (130 calories each, yikes!). Late night eating when my son can't sleep is another bad habit I am trying to break...

But all in all, I'm pretty happy with how my day went.

I still have some adjustments to make both to my diet and exercise routines. But my plan is make small improvements every single day.

Pray for me as I am sending prayers out to you!

Always,

Blaque

The Incredible Fluxuating Woman: The Story of My Life

There is no in between with me. Either I am focused and eating clean or I'm binging...consuming way more than any one person should in a day's time. I didn't track my food or calories yesterday but there were pop tarts, trail mix, rice, processed vegetarian food, a diet Dr. Pepper (classic, huh?) and four Nature Valley Peanut, Almond and Dark Chocolate protein bars involved...out of control much? No wonder I've gone from 141 pounds to 158.6 in less than a month. 

What I hate most about the above before and after photo is that it reminds me that as a woman with an unhealthy relationship with food, I am incredibly exposed. A person with an addiction to drugs, alcohol, porn, etc. can hide their sickness from others. But people like me who are constantly losing and gaining weight reveal a very personal and painful battle without ever speaking a word. Moreover, most recovering addicts can avoid the thing they are addicted to. But I can't rid my home of food. I need it to survive. Sadly, after 42 years I still haven't found a balance. However, I know that I will. I'm determine to get on the right track and Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30 is my first step.

I didn't get around to starting the DVD until after 9pm last night. The only time I have available to do these workouts will be after I put my son to bed. Level 1 Day 1 went pretty good. I was sweating and exhausted afterwards, but not overly so. Ripped in 30 is a 24 minute workout that is based on a 3-2-1 interval system: 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of abs. Surprisingly I'm not very soar after day 1 so I'm looking forward to doing it all again tonight. So stay tuned!

Here are my weight and measurement information prior to starting week 1:

Current Weight
158.6

Goal Weight
135

Bust
37 inches

Waist
33 inches

Hips
42 inches

Forearm
12 1/2 inches

Wrist
6 1/2 inches

Thigh
24 inches

BMI
27.22

Body Fat %
42.32%

I've got some work to do. Wish me luck!

Always,

Blaque

Introduction

 

I was only 5 lbs 15 ounces when I was born. And one would think that a newborn that small would also be a small toddler and child. But no, I have had weight issues for as long as I can remember.

I remember so vividly coming inside from playing one day. I was a little girl, probably around 7 or 8 years old. I was sweaty and I was wearing clothes that were too small for my chubby body. My mother was in a mood that day as she often was. I remember her pealing me out of those clothes and calling me a goat because I was sweaty and a pig because my clothes were so tight.

I also remember a time when I wanted to take ballet lessons. My mother had taken me to the local mall to buy me some leotards and tights for dance class. I was so excited at the thought of being a ballerina! I couldn’t wait to put on a pretty pink tutu.

But when we arrived at the store and my mother told the grey haired old woman what we needed to purchase, she looked at me with a look of disgust and informed us that they didn’t carry my size in the store. She told my mother that clothes in “her size” had to be special ordered.
I found out at a very early age just how much pain words could cause.

We are now who we were then…

No matter how old I get, how much weight I lose, or how much make-up I put on my face, I will always be that hurt, chubby little girl who instead of being called pretty was constantly reminded that she was overweight.

Every journal I’ve ever kept during my teens and early 20s all focus on my issues with weight. Page after page documents my current and goal weights. I wrote about the myriad of diet plans I’d tried and given up on.

Just once I wanted to be able to wake up and live a normal day and eat normal food without having to obsess over how what I was or wasn't eating affected my weight.

Like many people I’ve tried Weight Watchers (several times), Nutrisystem, Hydroxycut, I’ve been to diet clinics and was given Phentermine and water pills. In high school I abused over the counter diet pills. Instead of taking one a day per the instructions, I took 2 to 3 pills a day and drunk only orange juice for weeks at a time. I was so lethargic and slept constantly. My family actually thought that I was pregnant when in all honesty, I was probably close to killing myself.

Ultimately in September of 2011 I had Gastric bypass surgery and have lost over 80 pounds.

But my weight still fluctuates dramatically. I am still an emotional eater. I still eat when I can’t sleep at night. And I am still not consistent with working out and living a healthy lifestyle.

We are now who we were then…I’m still damaged. I still have a lot to figure out. But I’m 42 years old and I don’t have forever.

I am going to TRY and commit for the first time in my life. I am going to try to finish ONE thing that I start. With this blog I hope to keep myself accountable, share some before and after pictures, be as honest with myself and others as possible, and rid myself of ghosts of my past…for good this time.

I’m starting with the Ripped in 30 DVD by Jillian Michaels because I’ve heard great yet frightening things about her and her DVDs. Ripped in 30 is just a starting point. My hope is that after I complete this DVD I will have developed some good habits and I can continue to stay fit and try new and healthy things to help me along this journey. I'm ready, are you?

Let’s get ripped!

 

 

Blaque